the isms of the ic

if yesterday wasn't a blog inspiring day, then i may never find one. the isms of the ic are the tendencies that alcoholics have as they attempt to continuously recover from alcoholism.

i was up at 7am, back in bed crying by noon, angry by 1 and had packed up and moved out of my house by 4. i checked my iperiod phone app earlier because i knew something wasn't right, but i had attempted to add my girlfriend's period (known from this moment on as the hottie) onto my phone as well so i could track both. this is a very good idea if you are a lesbian. so i checked my phone forgetting this little detail and it said i had 14 days till my period. not even in my week before my period caution week. still something wasn't right.

i had found out the night before that the hottie was not quite ready to move in together even though i was more than ready to leave my current living situation and we had been cohabiting for a month now. but we have only been together for four months and she wasn't ready. how dare her! this is completely logical. for some reason though (PERIOD PERIOD PERIOD!!!) i was crushed by this news. i went to bed broken-hearted and woke up the same. the devastation i felt was so real, yet looking back one day later i might as well have just raised the back of my hand to my forehead and cried, "Alas, i can't believe she doesn't wanna live with me after all we have been though and all the time we have invested!"

i went through the day insane, trying to figure out what i could do to feel like i had some sort of control. i was paying full rent at a place i hadn't been to in a month! the hottie texted me at the exact right moment. i was just starting to move from tears to anger, but i didn't want to take it out on her. i was still pretty certain that she loved me (of course she loves me! we are crazy about each other!) and had every right to say she wasn't ready. but i was still getting pissed. i redirected my anger, wiped my tears, and headed for the door. the rent money was still waiting in the drawer. i called a storage place and decided at that moment that i was gonna pay to store it, not pay to rent somewhere. two hours later, my entire truck was full and my room was empty. i paid $50 to store my things for a month instead of $340 for my room.

i feel kind of like a rebel. i feel a little homeless. but i feel like i took my power back and put my money where i wanted it instead of feeling like i was sinking it into a hole. i feel like the isms got a hold of me yesterday, but i never let the ic come out. i was just a girl looking for balance.