Finding a sitter for myself

I have drank about every three months since August of last year. I almost had a year and a half of continuous sobriety and then once I drank I have only gotten a few months at a time I consider this wildly successful and my life continues to improve. That being said, I don't want to continue this pattern. So far, the hottie and I have tracked my drinking to accountability. When we are apart over night or for an extended period of time, I drink. I am not putting this on her. I knew when I really started working on this sobriety thing, that I would need accountability. It was a weakness that I thought I had conquered. A huge part of my drinking was done alone. I didn't have to face what I was doing as much when I was alone. I have come soooooo far in that regard because even when I drink alone now, I hate it. I can't look myself in the mirror and I am scared to talk to anyone because y'all know me well. I have been busted twice on drinking by mere text alone! The difference is that I love myself now way more than I ever have. 

And so? The hottie is going out of town tomorrow night for a wedding. The last few times this has happened I have wanted her to go and have a good time. I didn't want her to worry about me so I thought I better stay home or leave early etc. And then as soon as we were apart, my alcoholic brain took the drivers seat and I raced to the liquor store. There are three things an alcoholic says when they want to drink: 1. It will be different this time. 2. I can get away with it. 3. Fuck it anyway. I am a 2 girl all day. This time, the hottie and I wanted things to be different. I have always quit drinking after a day or two, but the mental stress and impact on our relationship has generally lasted longer than the actual drinking. So until I am strong enough to handle being alone over night and not accountable I have decided it get myself a sitter when she goes out of town. And this requires me to ask for help. As open and outgoing of a person as I am, it is still hard for me to ask for help when I really really need it. It is hard to ask for help when I know I have to have it. 

So I am having a friend coming over tomorrow and she is bringing her puppy! We are going to play tennis and watch movies. My alcoholic brain has stirred knowing that the hottie is going out of town, but the friend coming over has squashed it really quickly. It's really cool getting to know myself... still. There are probably others that are way stronger than this and could just continue doing what they always do when their significant goes out of town for the night, but I am not there yet. So I am grateful to cut this drink off at the pass and successfully tell my alcoholic brain to shut the fuck up!

I am super grateful to have friends that are willing to help. I am beyond blessed to have the hottie in my life who is willing to work with me and help me take these steps. We thought of and worked out this solution together. I think that is pretty cool. Now she can go and enjoy herself without worrying about me I hope.