Posted below are a couple brainstorm sessions from when I was on the plane headed back. I might reiterate a bit so forgive that. The thing that keeps sticking out in my brain is that when I got to El Salvador it seemed so dark and dingy. Everything looked dirty. I am actually not a person who washes their hands very often, but I was horrified about that option being taken away. The first thing I noticed when I got there was that there was barbed wire on the airpot. Why would they need barbed wire for an airport? But by the time I left, I wasn't noticing it at all. And when I landed in Texas I was shocked to see how much I had gotten used to everything because the airport seemed so bright and right angly. I hadn't realized that I had gotten so used to things so quickly.
And I couldn't drive. The lines were so clear and everything was so uniform. I am grateful I was never on a motorcycle in El Sally or Nicaragua because I am certain that I would be wanting to break what are laws here but norm there.
And returning without Sarah was pretty traumatic. I didn't want to worry her by saying so, but this has been really hard. Stupid hard, but easier by the day. I am strong. I am amazed by myself quite regularly. My passions have been reaffirmed and I feel like my life has meaning and wonder. Shit is good. I can not believe how far I have come. I really can't believe it. I keep waiting for myself to mess up, but I just keep showing up to life and living. I can not tell you how grateful I am.
capital letters brought to you in honor of the hottie.
brain session notes...
So what from this trip?
Reaffirm openness.
Reaffirm that I don't wanna be an ass. It shows. And I don't like the reflection.
Continue education w zealous and humility. Explore yourself and figure your own personal humility and if this includes keeping your mouth shut then do it!
Keep writing. Seriously. Write shit down. Keep writing. You don't have to publish everything. Write things that are just for you or just for you and Sarah. Write silly poems. Write songs.
Brainstorm.
Live out loud.
Be grateful.
Keep searching for work. Don't stop and don't get frustrated cuz you are worth contribution. You will find something that fits exactly to you.
Start exploring other religions.
Express yourself. Never at the expense of others.
Be happy with what you have.
Save money. Seriously. Don't spend frivolously. Do everything with everyone, but don't spend money doing it.
Stop the nervous habits. Find peace. No more biting your damn skin.
Do more research. Always. In many ways.
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I was so aware of the barbed wire when we arrived and surprised I even noticed it as I was leaving.
The people respond to you. How could they not?!
The highways looked impossible when I got there and simple as I was leaving.
I never got tired of Sarah. Not once. Hmmmm.
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