I wonder if anyone will want to read this if I say things are going well. Well? Things are going well. I have found my grove in this semester. It has required a more efficient me. I get up at least once or twice a week at 4am to study. It's quiet. There are no rat dogs running about and barking at blowing leaves, the neighbor kid that has no clue how loud he talks is still sleeping, the birds are chipping, and the sun is rising. I love it. This is a far far cry from my past habits. It's a little baffling and yet, not so much. He does for me what I can't do for me. I know at least one or two of you reading just rolled your eyes. And now you are smiling cuz you know I am talking about you. Thank god for friends who love me just the way I am and visa versa, god talk and all.
So god has helped me up my study game. I have increased the intensity of my workouts and I do extra workouts at any given moment. I was staying in a hotel last night for an AA conference wasn't even thinking about working out, and then passed a fitness center. I almost ditched my peeps for an hour to sweat a little. If they had had a bike, I would have. But I have upped the intensity of the workouts including harder resistance on the bike and longer rides. I would be kicking ass even more if I had more time in my day at school, but this is how I set things up for the semester. Just as last semester, I haven't lost a single pound, but ALL my jeans fit better in the thigh and waist area.
As a result of the working out, I have been craving better foods. I am still ridiculous about sugar. Ice cream before bed and a chocolate hershey's heart with my coffee. Really, Holly? But this is not the time to work on the sugar addiction. What I have done is add more veggies and fruit. I try to eat balanced but am most excited about the exercise It's all biking now, but I would like to get back into running if I could actually loose some pounds. Again, all in good time. I don't want to demean my progress because I am really happy with it.
My Costa Rica application is almost complete, I applied to KU, my FAFSA is donzos. I started looking online for private scholarships After working my ass off these last two sober semesters I missed the application deadline for transfer scholarships. Let the self flagellation begin! It was a renewable scholarship Nothing happens in god's world by mistake? Ok, then i just need to keep taking the next step. Individual scholarship applications.
So I am not only getting my homework done regularly and confidently now, but it is at a level that I am happy with. I don't just do homework to check it off a list. I do it to learn the materiel. I think I am in a huge minority in this instance college kids. A kid in my Spanish class said he would be happy if he could just pull a 70% out of this class. There are times when I wish I could consider a thought process like that. My homework this semester is not hard, but it is long and tedious. Wax on, Wax off. Going through the motions.
Add that to a new part time job at Pyramid Pizza so that I can log on my 20 hours and get my food stamps reinstated. Add that to beginning the process of filling out one scholarship application after another. I think I have at least 25 on my list at the moment. Add that to a most rewarding grown up relationship with the hottie. Add that to my recovery and church family and functions. Life is good. Are you still reading?
I can't believe that I even made it a week without god. My lent commitments have stood. I am reading two daily reflection books every morning. One from AA, one from church. Looking back on things now, I see that coming back from El Salvador without the hottie was necessary to send me into the depression that was necessary to set me up right here right now. There is a long long way to go, but there has to be a basis of a relationship with god to start anything. I think there are huge changes to come in my relationship with him, but I am no longer scared of those changes. I am working to become the head of a household. A wife. A mother. A leader who leads by example. Holy what?! And that is not something I take for granted. It is not something I feel entitled to. Who is writing this?! I have huge entitlemet issues! It something I would like to interview for some day in a way that the interview will just be a formality because I know that I have already done the work to get the job. Whoa. That was deep. Gotta go. xx
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